ugly people sure do ruin things
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
