I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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