Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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