my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
