Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
