i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
