I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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