Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
