I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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