The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize