I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
