my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
