Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
