you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
