i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
