just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
