Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
