Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
