singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
