my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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