i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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