I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
