Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
