Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
