we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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