two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
