Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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