Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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