They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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