Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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