I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
