Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
