accomplished twins. life is a go
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
