You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
