lets start a swedish sibling band together
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
