Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
