The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
