I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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