I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
