I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
