Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
