You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
