my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
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under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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