new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize