We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
