she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
