Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
are you so shy because you have an std?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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