You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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