You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
