CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
