im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
