Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
