best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
