Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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