No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm jealous of your bromance
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
