i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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